baby's second night
As tonight will mark the one-week anniversary of my second night in the hospital with Gatsby, I wanted to share another oh, bother. PSA™ with ya'll while the horror is still fresh in my mind. You see, in addition to the postpartum recovery/pad sandwich situation that no one (but me!) warns you about, no one warns new moms about Night #2, or Quite Possibly the Worst Night of Your Life.
You may congratulate yourself the morning after that first night with your new baby—even with the nurses in and out of your room all night, you're still kind of running on adrenaline so the sleeplessness doesn't bother you too much. You may think, "Hey, that wasn't so bad. I totally got this." But... you don't know. You. don't. know what awaits.
When I had Holden, a lactation consultant visited my room specifically to warn me about Night #2. There was even a special page dedicated to Night #2 in the "Your Newborn for Dummies (aka You)" manual the hospital gives you. Do not brush off these warnings; be prepared because Night #2 is coming.
This time, I don't know if I was blocking out my memories of that night in a survivor/PTSD-type situation, or if I was thrown off by the nurse telling me that my little boy would be really sleepy after his circumcision (it's a trap! Don't believe it!) but once again, I found myself unprepared for Night #2.
It starts in the evening as visiting hours are winding down and you find yourself alone with your new baby (and possibly your partner if you've decided to enlist their support for the night). You feed your bebe one last time before a few hours of sleep... or so you think. But no: this is Night #2, aka New Mom Hazing Night, aka The Cluster Feeding Night aka Nurse All Night Night.
There will be no sleep. There will only be nursing. Every time you take the kid off your nip, he will cry and the only thing that will soothe him will be more nip. Forget about him sleeping in the tupperware hospital bassinet; he will only sleep on your chest with your nip in his mouth... therefore you will not sleep, as the nurses make damn well sure you don't fall asleep in bed with the baby. You will still fall asleep with the baby in bed with you at least once this night, against your best efforts. This sleep will be fleeting. Your partner will be useless. You will cry. Your nipples will hurt. All the nursing will require frequent changing of your pad sandwich. Your baby will cry while you're in the bathroom and you will shout, "Okay! Okay! Yes, Mommy will be right there!" out the bathroom door. You may try to make it through the night by watching TV, or reading Twitter on your phone, or ordering little flowered headbands on Etsy at 3am.
You will doubt yourself. But don't let that baby break you.
Because soon it will be 5am, then 6am, and you've survived. They'll be bringing your shriveled scrambled eggs and blueberry Yoplait soon. You'll probably be going home today. Your kid is worn out from hazing you and there's most likely a nap in your future... unless your nesting instinct waits until the day you get home from the hospital to kick in, like mine does. But that's a different story.
And that, my new-mom friends, is Night #2.
I highly recommend that you check out "Baby's Second Night" on KellyMom.com for the legit info on why Night #2 is a thing (spoiler alert: it's because the baby is out of their coming-through-the-birth-canal fog and is all like "WTF?!?" and needs some comfort; and also because cluster feeding helps to build your milk supply) and for some helpful suggestions on how to get through it with your dignity (somewhat) intact. I'm pretty sure that information is what was shared in my hospital manual.
The good news is that it gets better (...and then it usually gets worse for a while, but it'll get better again. Maybe. Hopefully. Definitely). You got this.
Bottle-feeding moms: how do you get through the terror that is Night #2?